Okay, so. Poustache. NSFW. Porn. Yup. Sorry ‘bout that. There is no way to explain the Poustache without showing the Poustache.
As some of you know, I was a moderator on Gaia Online for years. Somehow, I got saddled with the General Discussion forum, which was the hellhole of the site. All the 4chan trolls, all the bored users, etc, that’s where they ended up. It was not uncommon for us to have to deal with porn raids.
So one day, it’s three in the fucking morning, a bunch of us have been clearing out ridiculous porn for HOURS. I’m exhausted, I’m tired, and everything is hilarious at three in the morning. I come across this picture. In its original state. Just some attractive naked woman on the toilet in the world’s most revolting bathroom. The usual, right?
But then I notice her pubic hair has been waxed into a shape that initially reminds me of angry eyebrows. Keep in mind I am exhausted and giddy and punch-drunk at this point, so I decide the best thing to do is to photoshop a set of googly eyes under her angry eyebrows pubic hair. And, of course, show it to the other mods who are helping clear out the porn. Because it’s hilarious, right?
As I’m photoshopping, I realise that the pubic hair actually looks more like a really luxuriant handlebar moustache, which means the eyes should be above it, not below it. So I rotate the image. At which point, I realise the toilet now looks like a very dapper white top hat.
And really, what dapper gentleman with a moustache and a top hat is complete without a monocle? So I had to add that, of course.
Keep in mind I’m sharing this with all the other mods currently trying to clean up the other porn, and some of them are laughing so hard they are nearly wetting themselves, which is only encouraging me further.
I decide this dapper fellow needs a name. Lord something or other. Pussy. Moustache. Poustache. Lord Poustache. At three in the morning, shit like this makes sense, I swear.
This was something like four years ago. I haven’t even been a moderator on Gaia for two years. As far as I know, Lord Poustache and his exploits are still floating around in the annals of the moderator areas, despite the fact that two thirds of the mod team probably don’t even know who I am anymore.
And that, ladies and gents, is poustache.
